X, L and F

of all the things that i get to discover on my ex-crushie, the fact that he cross dresses, is the bomb that kill the remaining infatuation i had on him! he is still one funny guy, but now I cant remove the image of him on his friend's wedding wearing sexy (his words!) dress.

tonight we had a short beer drinking/team building in the project, and it was just held in the vicinity of the office. though we all know, there were tasks waiting on our desks after the drinking, it was still a breather from all the work stress. we all had our turn for laughters. i was seated between ex-crushie and a younger korean guy.
what actually turns out as a pleasant surprise was knowing that the younger korean lived in London, studied English near Hammersmith (Bechtel's nearest tube station) and stayed in Ealing Broadway, just few stops after Gunnersbury which was the nearest tube station to where I lived. He told me how that at that time he already got his chemical engineering degree, but worked parttime making pizza, and treasured that experience. and together we each related the good times of being in London. We both admitted that looking back could be both tricky, as we normally just retain the good memories. But the fact that another person, in a different circumstance, longs for the environment of London, somehow validated my separation grief with London. I am actually over L now (i think). maybe not the over forever kind, but at least i can reminisce, read about it without feeling like i am missing a lost love. Hearing how this younger korean plans to look for opportunities in UK, and how he hope to work there next year, made me visit the UK skilled migrant program website again. I checked his chances, with his age, and work based in Korea, and found out that he can probably meet the points. And that thought cheered me up. If it does not happen to you, its a consolation to know that it can happen to someone you know. Although i know the results would be different for my case, i still checked but even with the help of strong yen, overtime, free accommodation, higher points for earnings in Japan is just quite difficult to achieve. I thought of another friend who is based in Korea, who also got the L bug but like me, has already recovered too. I hope it warms her to know that once she completes her one year in Korea, she will have the L option if she so desires.

Even if it appears that L is not one of my options right now, I am rather optimistic about my future. I guess i feel like this quagmire i am in cannot be any worse. working with hardly any motivation! working because i have to, feeling burdened, rather than being inspired or challenged. and yet have to be grateful that i still have this job. so yes i cant wait for my contract to end. to do some of the things that i enjoy, to look for a career that may not pay as much but will allow me to the work-life balancing act properly. to see that blush back on my cheeks and not all these signs of stress, and hopefully gain back the few pounds i lost due to this stress-related syndrome that i have.
there will be lots of things that I will miss in Japan, but hey it is not like its doors will be forever closed to me. Its a good place to travel, but not to work. So maybe in the future, I will visit J again. But i want a proper closure this time around, so for now i will work on crossing out, one by one, the list on my things to do before i leave J.